Pirate Wars IV - A New Pirate

A New Pirate

It be a toime of hintrigue and doiabolicle plots. Oi be a simple farm boy back then, livin' wiv' me uncle and auntie in Piratooine, as me parents 'ad passed away years afore. One day we acquired a new couple o' farm'ands to 'elp out. One o' 'em spoke many languages and told me they used to be deck'ands on a foine ship. Somethin' oi 'ad always wanted to do was sail the hoigh seas. On the second day o' ownin' 'em, one of 'em ran away into the woild. Me an' the other farm'and went after 'im. We found 'im ('e was slow due to 'is peg leg) but were attacked by raiders. This strange man in pirate regalia then came along and scared 'em away. 'Is place was near, so we went there first to 'elp the farm'and out. It was then that the stranger, Pirate Master Kenobi, told me that me father used to be a famous pirate, one o' the most famous o' all. It were then that 'e gave me me father's cutlass. Oi 'ad no idea that this were true. Oi was always told that 'e were a simple deck'and who lost 'is loife in a pointless great war. The blade were loike nothin' oi'd ever seen, brilliantly shoinin' in the loight o' the sun, an' as sharp as a Kraken's tongue. Pirate Master Kenobi offered to take me onto a ship on the high seas and live the life of a pirate, but oi 'ad to 'elp out on the farm that year. 'E took me 'ome, but some raiders 'ad killed me aunt an' uncle, so oi went wiv 'im and accepted 'im as me mentor.

We went to a place called Port Oisley. Oi'd never seen such a hoive of scum and villainy. It were amazin'! The four o' us went to a dockside bar called Chalmun's to foind a vessel to hoire. We found a pirate by the name of Hook Solo, wiv 'is first mate Piracca, an 'Ippie by the look of 'im. 'E offered to take us across the sea to Pirateraan, an 'aven fer pirates, on 'is ship, The Mighty Falcon. It 'ad done the Piressel run in less than twelve leagues. Oi didn't understand an' told me master that oi 'ad a bad feelin' about this, but Pirate Master Kenobi was impressed, so we took 'im up on the offer. We sailed fer weeks. In this toime, oi were taught the ways of the pirate. Oi were learnin' 'ow to not only man the ship, but also to use the cutlass and the pistol. One day oi remember Pirate Master Kenobi puttin' 'is 'and to 'is 'ead and sittin' down. Oi asked 'im what were wrong, an' 'e told me that somethin' terrible 'ad 'appened, an' that it were as if a million pirate voices 'ad just cried out "Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggg!". Oi carried on me trainin' at 'is request, an' 'e recovered quickly.

When we got within soight of Pirateraan, we saw that it lay in ruins. There were almost nothin' standin' in the port city. As we got nearer, we came across a government ship called the Death Ship; the biggest ship oi 'ad ever seen. It were 'uge, wiv cannon that seemed to go on fer moiles. We 'id in the pirate 'old afore we were boarded and were able to sneak across to the other ship without bein' seen. We 'id in some crates, but they were taken down to the 'old o' this ship where they kept their prisoners. When the coast were clear, so to speak, we snuck out and looked in the cells. In one we found the most beautiful wench oi 'ad ever seen. Oi was in love at first soite. Pirate Master Kenobi knew 'er and said that this were none other than the pirate princess 'erself. We rescued 'er an' went to escape to The Mighty Falcon. Pirate Master Kenobi went off on 'is own to quieten the guards as we made our way to the ship. Just as we were about to board, oi saw the Pirate Master foightin' a vicious lookin' man in a black robe who oi later found out were Darth Pirader, Governor of the seven seas, second only to Supreme Governor Piratine. As oi were about to go over an' 'elp 'im foight this man, 'e were struck down. Oi were devastated! 'E'd been me mentor and 'e 'ad promised to 'elp me learn the ways o' the pirates.

Luckily, we managed to escape, as The Mighty Falcon were a fast little ship. It could make point foive above Knot Speed. Oi grieved fer me one-toime mentor on the journey outta there, but oi didn't 'ave toime to grieve fer too long, as they sent a couple a sloops after us. Me an' Hook Solo manned the cannon. It were a good battle, and the first toime oi 'ad got to use me new found skills, but we sunk the sloops. Our ship were fast, but the Death Ship never left the 'orizon of our view from the crow's nest. Toime were of the essence.

We got to a secret pirate stronghold on an island just off the coast of Pirin IV with the Death Ship less than a day away. The pirate princess 'anded over some plans o' the Death Ship, and a weakness were found. Around the back o' the ship were an 'ole where they emptied the septic tank from. It were large enough fer a cannon shot, but only just. A plan were formulated where we could attack the Death Ship followin' in its wake to get more speed. It were then up to a pirate ship to fire a cannon shot into the 'ole an' ignite the septic tank. Some o' the pirates there didn't think it were possible, but oi told 'em that oi used to do this koind o' thing back 'ome with the rats on the farm, an' they not be much bigger than a cannon ball.

We all went to our ships fer the battle as the Death Ship were getting' almost close enough fer its cannon to be in range. The battle were fierce, an' many sacrifices were made. One ship almost made it, but their cannon shot impacted on the sides, so it were our turn to 'ave a go. We approached the back of the ship at full sail as oi manned the cannon. Oi were loinin' up the cannon to get the target when oi 'eard a voice in me 'ead. "Use yer piratin' skills an' be usin' a spyglass" it said. It sounded loike Pirate Master Kenobi. Oi got out me spyglass an' it were much easier to loine it up. Just as the septic tank 'ole were in me cross'airs, oi fired the cannon. When the shot went in, oi couldn't believe me eyes. We 'ad done it! As the pirate fleet left quickly, there be an almighty hexploshun. The Death Ship 'ad blown up, so the fleet left fer the island and an almighty celebrayshun. Never 'ad oi seen so much grog an' so many strippers. Oi'll never forget that day.